Red Dwarf: Series 5

The gang watch a sappy love story aboard Starbug and Rimmer is disgusted at how the hero sacrificed his own happiness for his lover. They come across a computer-generated ship, and Rimmer is captured and taken aboard. The Holoship (named 'The Enlightenment') will not answer Starbug's communication attempts on account of them being notoriously arrogant and self-centered. Meanwhile Rimmer is having quite a good time aboard the Holoship: he can touch, feel and taste. Not only that, but it's a ship regulation to have sexual relations at least twice a day with any other crew member. He meets a crew member, Commander Nirvanah Crane who gives him a tour of the ship. Upon having sex with her, He falls in love with her and she, even though they have disposed of the concept of 'love' aboard the ship, feels something for him also. Rimmer decides he wants to stay aboard the ship, and challenges a randomly-selected crew-member. The crew member turns out to be Nirvanah who lets him win on purp

Thomas Allman is in his room when a man dressed in black with a white skull-like mask comes along, charges him of being a waste of skin and erases him, replacing him with a more well-built version of himself... The crew are flying along in Starbug when they lose control of the ship. Using Lister's body, something announces itself as The Inquisitor and that they will return to Red Dwarf to face judgement. Kryten later describes the Inquisitor as a self-repairing simulant who survived to the end of time to find no heaven or afterlife. So he built a time machine and went back and forth through time, judging everyone on whether they have lead a worthwhile life, deleting the ones who didn't and replacing them with ""the sperms that never got a chance"". Back aboard Red Dwarf, the inquisition begins. Rimmer and Cat survive the trial because of their shallowness and low standards, but Lister and Kryten could have made more of their lives and are removed from history. Just as their phys

Kryten wakes up on a moon surrounded by the remains of a crashed Starbug. He detaches his hand and tells it to return to Red Dwarf and bring back Lister and Cat. Lister comes, collects and ""fixes"" Kryten. Kryten tells them that Rimmer was captured while on a psy-moon (a terraforming moon that reshapes itself to mimic a persons psyche). The crew reluctantly go out on the surface to search for him. Rimmer is hung up in a dungeon and prepared to be tortured by The Unspeakable One. The crew make their way across the Swamp of Despair with frogs that say 'Useless' and through a graveyard with headstones that desribe a positive part of Rimmer's personality that has died: self-confidence, honour, generosity, charm etc. Lister notices a freshly-dug grave with the headstone 'Hope' and Kryten tells the others to hurry, realising that they could be in serious danger if Rimmer loses all hope for himself. The crew finds the dungeon and drive back the unspeakable one, saving Rimmer. They try

The crew are on a snowy planet, when they come across an abandoned research centre. Rimmer objects to Kryten being in charge but is ignored by the others and goes to sulk. They send a scouter which reports that there is a scientist named Dr. Lanstrom inside the facility. Unfortunately she is a hologram and Kryten asks Rimmer to go back to Red Dwarf so they can rescue her, using another Space Corp Directive against him. Rimmer questions the validity of the Directives that Kryten uses so Holly gives Rimmer a hologrammatical copy of the directives manual, whereupon Rimmer again goes off to sulk. Going into the research center, they find the Doctor in stasis only to discover that she has contracted a holovirus that has made her insane but has given her extraordinary powers like hex vision and telekinesis at the price of her sanity. They escape when her life force is drained and she disappears, but the disease is transferred to Rimmer. When the rest of the crew get back on Red Dwar

Lister and Kryten have invented a triplicator: a device which can make triples of objects. They demonstrate it on the last strawberry in the universe and recieve two exact copies. Lister samples one and reels from the taste, saying that it is brilliant, so succulent and divine. He tries the other and scrunches his face in disgust as we see that there are maggots crawling around in it. Kryten notes that the triplicator has put all the best qualities in one copy and the worst in the other. Lister attempts to reverse the process but causes an overload and Red Dwarf blows up. After the blast, they realise that they accidentally triplicated Red Dwarf and there are two copies left behind. The crew board the ""High"" ship to find their counterparts are monks and are all into the better side of things: spiritual happiness etc. Kryten finds half of the triplicator he needs to merge the ships to get the original back. They board the ""Low"" ship and it is horrible, the crew are monsters and

The crew are on an ocean planet investigating a seeding vessel called the SSS Esperanto which was studying the life forms that had been introduced by humans. They find 3 people aboard who committed suicide, and a haddock who did the same. Lister notices an oil covering everything and Kryten suggests that it is a hallucinogenic venom much like the oil from an octopus or squid. He does a chemical analysis and rushes the others back to Starbug saying that the oil contains a hallucinogen which induces despair, enough to drive the crew of the Esperanto to kill themselves. They try to escape in Starbug to avoid it happening to them, but the despair squid chases them and they crash into a rock. Starbug is destroyed. The gang wake up to find they were playing a computer game called Red Dwarf for the last four years (and they only scored 4%). Lister is the rich and successful Sebastian Doyle, Rimmer (his brother, Billy) is a bum, the Cat is the saddest geek you will ever see named Dwayne Dibley